With Season 6 slowly closing in on us, I (hi, I’m Otessa; it’ s nice to meet you) will be filling in all you CherryGRRLs on what’s progressed so far with Sarah and the OJBG posse since the end of Season 4.
A year in storyland has passed and we now find ourselves smack in the summer of ’97. Fashions are starting to turn against us. The Spice Girls are spreading their evil and things are just generally spiraling into that Millennial state of Totally Haywire. And Sarah has decided to start a BAND– no more of this solo “singer songwriter nonsense”. But the band has to take a backseat as heartbreak takes center stage.
Things are looking not so fresh for Sarah, who despite her best Lisa Frank moments, (umm there were mermaids involved…mermaids I tell ya!?) didn’t see the writing on the wall vis-a-vis her relationship with Gwen. Yes, Gwen broke up with Sarah, via this new thing called AIM. The ignominy of being dumped is bad enough, but add the ignominy of being dumped impersonally by someone who goes by the alias angelbabyxxcakesxx…??? It’s sure to leave you in a totally depressed and adrift state for the next few months. Thankfully Sarah came out to her mom, so she can actually, you know, openly be f-ing miserable at home. Nonetheless, it’s all pretty bad/sad/mad, and not so rad.
But misery loves company. Alex was also just dumped by her very sweet (anyone remember Team Davis?) boyfriend, who, rumor has it, is gay and having a great sexual awakening. He just sent her a “Live Long and Prosper…Without Me” letter. Gee, thanks.
Chloe’s ship has finally sailed home – her fiance, Adrian, is now back from bootcamp. But if absence makes the heart grow fonder, this proximity is killing things. Claustrophobic Chloe, the moping Alex and Sarah duo, and this new girl Cass all circle each other in their weird ritual dance of teen misery.
The shakedown is that Chloe and Sarah make some teen magic, don Frida Kahlo unibrows, and walk off into the sunset… and into each others beds. Chloe even whispers this sweet nothing into Sarah’s ear: “You can call me Gwen if you want.” Yea. This is HEALTHY. And this is where Season 5 ended.
And this is where our recap of Ep. 6.01 “Summer of ’97” begins!
It starts all sweetly enough. We see a newly showered Chloe kissing the bare shoulder of a slumbering Sarah in her bed (well, actually it’s Gwen’s bed, but that’s not weird). Then the doorknob starts rattling… Sarah thinks it’s someone breaking in, but Chloe offhandedly scoffs that it’s probably just Adrian – you know, her fiancee. Sarah shoots her a panicked look, as though she has finally glimpsed Chloe’s madness and realized that she’s helpless against it. Sarah switches between nervous giggles and visibly distraught as Chloe tells her to follow her lead, and not be so jumpy and make them look guilty. This (understandably) gets Sarah all confused… “but we are guilty.”
This girl is fearless (…or just begging to be caught?) Without giving Sarah a chance to bolt to the bathroom and cover up, Chloe opens the door to Adrian. “Heyyy, lover!” quickly turns into “Are you kidding me?!” when Adrian sees Sarah naked in the bed. Yup. She’s cheated on you, with a girl (added emphasis for the double injury his male ego has probably just endured). With all his might, he gives Sarah the ultimate stink-eye. Let’s just call it the Epic Stink Eye of Insanity.
No need to worry though, we all know Chloe is an INSANELY good liar. She turns the tables on him – his possessive, jealousy trip is not becoming. Would she really do serious irreparable damage to their relationship?? Nuh-uh. And this is how she effortlessly convinces him that this is just how normal hetero slumber parties look – they definitely all include naked pillow fights and a nice thick aroma of morning shame — no biggie. So Adrian leaves, feeling slightly more at ease, but still giving Sarah the hairy eyeball.
Chloe comes back to bed. “See? All taken care of!” like she’s just finished doing the dirty dishes or some other menial task. This is all too weird for Sarah, who scrams, still naked, into the gross old alley. But do we really feel bad for Sarah as she morosely takes the walk of shame? I mean, did she really forget that Chloe’s fiance was still in the mix? Was she really not weirded out about being in Gwen’s apartment with another girl? Really?? ZOMG Rebound relationships…