The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle: Strapping on Your True Feelings

At Everyone is Gay, Kristin (right) and Dannielle (left) are girls who like girls who give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. Here on CherryGRRL, these two adorable and brilliant ladies are sharing some of that wonderfully witty advice with our readers, monthly, via this column: The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle.

Q: Does it make me less of a lesbian to like strap ons? So much gay panic you guys :(

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

Ugh no.

I wish people would lay off this theory already! Everyone likes different things when it comes to sexi time, and none of those things exclusively determine a human’s sexuality.

Sit back and think of all the reasons you like having sexi time with the person you like having sexi time with, if you say to yourself “I really only like doing it with her bc she has a vagina, nothing else appeals to me” then… shit, i guess I don’t know.

The things you like in bed are things you like in bed, and that’s it. They don’t always mean some gigantic force of nature is working against you to change who you are and what you think about yourself. Some lesbians like to watch gay man porn, some straight dudes like having stuff in their butts, some gay guys think boobs are awesome. It’s just sex, it’s a weird natural instinct thing that makes us rub our bodies together and smash our mouths against one another. IT’S WHATEVER.

Kristin Says:

No. No. No. No. NO.

If you like strap-ons it doesn’t make you less of a lesbian. If you like to wear strap-ons it doesn’t make you less of a woman or a man or less trans or genderqueer or anything. If you bind your boobs or get turned on by leather or only like to kiss people on their ears or wear giant belt buckles or comb your hair to the right… you can still identify how you want, when you want, for the reasons that YOU want.

Just because “men” might be historically known to have PENISPARTS doesn’t mean that “they” (because WHO ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT) get to corner the market on things that are a certain shape and may make your parts feel good. Does that make any sense?

You have sex the way you want. Explore what feels good to you. You may identify as a lady who loves ladies and find out through imagination that NOTHING turns you on more than imagining that you have an actual penis. After you are done fantasizing about your imaginary penis you might stroll down to the nail salon in your dress and heels. None of these things have to have an absolute bearing on what you are or are not. PEOPLE ARE COMPLEX. GENDER IS CONFUSING. SEX IS GREAT. HAVE A NICE DAY.

Q: Is pretending not to feel anything towards someone I obviously have feelings for healthy?

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

I’m going to break away from the routine for a second and be completely honest…I have no fucking clue what is healthy. I JUST DON’T. You guys, there have been times in my life where I’m like ‘eff this, i dont wanna have a crush on this girl bc i have no chance’ so I’ll tell everyone I know I don’t have a crush on her anymore and I’ll walk around whistling a stupid song and feeling on top of the world… THEN tha bitch has ta post something on Facebook like ‘oooh hay, remember me and my dog and my fucking dimples?! REMEMBZIES?!!?” and then I will yell at myself for remembering how cute SAID CRUSH is… you know what I mean?

I doubt this is helpful at all, but if there’s anyone in the world you should NOT be talking to about avoiding crushes, it’s me. Every time I have ever had a crush on any human, I’ve completely failed at pretending it’s not real.

Do I think it’s unhealthy? No. Should you take advice from me? Experts say: yes? Who knows. Listen… We all pretend to feel and not feel things all the time. Sometimes it totally works out, sometimes it totally does not work out. I don’t think anyone can tell you what’s right in this situation. You have to figure your own self out, make your own mistakes, realize you’re right, realize you’re totally wrong, realize you should stop listening to me… you know?

Kristin Says:

I got this one.

Don’t hide your feelings.

You know what happens to feelings when you hide them? They grow like one of those goddamn toys that you put in water which expand to like 600x their normal size and get totally unmanageable and soggy and gross and weird looking.

It isn’t always a ball of fun to tell someone that you have feelings, because it puts you in a place where you are super vulnerable and most people are like UGH HOW CAN I BE COOL AND VULNERABLE AT THE SAME TIME, and most people really want to be cool because then the person they have a crush on will crush them back but this is NOT A LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION.

None of us are cool. We all have feelings. Somehow, you must communicate your feelings before they get so confusing and disproportionately large that you forget how to speak. You aren’t uncool for feeling. Obviously don’t hammer the person over the head with your feelings – but express them, take in their response, breathe, move forward, and remember… none of us are cool. But we are all totally fucking awesome.

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