At Everyone is Gay, Kristin (right) and Dannielle (left) are girls who like girls who give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. Here on CherryGRRL, these two adorable and brilliant ladies are sharing some of that wonderfully witty advice with our readers, monthly, via this column: The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle.
This month Kristin and Dannielle chose 2 reader questions submitted to their site to highlight here on CG. For more Everyone is Gay content and advice visit: http://everyoneisgay.com.
Q: I am a gay lady and my bff is a gay guy. The two of us call each other “faggot” and “dyke” as, like, a term of endearment. However, we have some straight lady friends who get mad when we say these words because they find them offensive.. How can I explain to them that these are words we are allowed to use? Or can you tell me how my friend and I are wrong for using these terms?
- Question submitted by anonymous
I mean… you’re kind of wrong.
If you guys are texting each other or gchatting or just hanging out by yourself in your apartment and calling each other names, fine, do what you want. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, you have no idea what the people around you have been through or are going through. It doesn’t matter if the friends who are asking you to stop are ‘straight-lady-friends’ – they have family members, friends, and their own lives that they’ve lived through and you know almost nothing about those lives. For all you know they could have a cousin who took his own life because people were calling him ‘faggot’ every day.
You guys, we just DON’T KNOW what people have been through and one of the tiniest things you can do to make sure everyone around you is comfortable is stop saying mean shit. I realize it’s not mean shit to you or your friend, but those words are just NOT KIND and there really is no reason to scream them out. I’m not saying don’t use it as a pet name for one another, I’m saying use it as a pet name and be cautious. Be aware of your surroundings and recognize when it’s just not okay.
Just because you bang ladies doesn’t mean you are the queen emperor of the queer word palace.
Your experience is not the sole representation of all ‘gay ladies,’ just as your friend’s experience is not the sole representation of all ‘gay guys,’ and JUST AS THAT LADY is not the sole representation for ‘straight ladies.’ If someone – anyone – says to you that something you are saying is hurtful or offensive to them, it is respectful to hear them, try to understand them, and be respectful of them… no matter how you identify or with whom you mash mouths.
‘Faggot’ and ‘dyke’ are words that offend SOME and not others, but they are most certainly words that are used to make other people feel horrible about themselves. That is one thing that I think we can all agree upon. I totally get that sometimes you and your gayboyfran joke with each other and that those words don’t bother you. More power to you both – I don’t think anyone can place a value on the meaning of a word for someone else. I do, however, think that you need to respect that those words still carry a lot of hurt for a lot of people, and whether it is a straight lady, a gay boy, a queer human, or a unicorn asking you to please refrain, you respect that.
(Question #2 on next page)