At Everyone is Gay, Kristin (right) and Dannielle (left) are girls who like girls who give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. Here on CherryGRRL, these two adorable and brilliant ladies are sharing some of that wonderfully witty advice with our readers, monthly, via this column: The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle.
Q: I’m tired of being sad/annoyed all the time. I’m ready for a change. How do I make 2013 the best year of my life?
- Question submitted by Anonymous
2013 is The Official Year of Taking the Bull by the Horns & What Not.
In honor of this world renowned year slogan I’d like to offer a few suggestions.
1. Get rid the negative. I mean ALL THE NEGATIVE. People, shitty books, restaurants that give you bad vibes, EVERYTHING. If it’s negative, chuck it. You don’t deserve to deal with extra bullshit hanging around for no reason.
2. Stop making excuses. If you want to take a class, DO IT. If you want to go on a trip, DO IT. If you want to talk to an old friend, DO IT. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you’ve always wanted to try, DO IT. This year will be your year to follow your heart and not that stupid thing in your head that tells you not to take a risk.
3. Forgive yourself. You will live this life once and only once. Do not waste time feeling awful for things you can’t control or regretting your past. You have to live in the present to create an awesome future and you can’t even GET to the present if you’re stuck in the past.
4. Smile. If you’re feeling sad / annoyed and you can’t shake it FORCE YOURSELF to smile for at least 30 seconds. Even if it’s the fakest smile you’ve ever smiled, by the 20 second mark you will have tricked yourself into actually being happy.
5. Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.
2013 is what I would like to call the year of the Ninja.
I have, in all honesty, spent the past bunch of years doing things at a moderate pace, slacking off here and there, getting frustrated and overwhelmed, fighting against those feelings, and doing a MODERATE job. Not a poor job, mind you, but like… I haven’t pushed myself to see what I am truly capable of achieving. This is the fucking year. This is the year that I look those doubts, those insecurities, those fears in the eyeballs and I say to myself, “No, Kristin. You are a goddamn ninja. Do this. Achieve it. Fucking GET THAT SHIT.”
So, how about you join me?
Here is my list of the everyday ways that you can shake off the sadness and move to a place where your inner strength (we all have it) will lead you to awesomeness:
1. Exercise. YES, EVEN RIGHT NOW WHEN YOU WANT TO STAY ON THE COUCH AND WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE OF TEEN MOM. Get up. Exercise. Sweat. Push yourself. Rest. Repeat.
2. Eat healthy. Balance your meals, eat vegetables, replace chemical-laden bullshit with pure ingredients. Give your body what it needs to create the NATURAL chemicals in you that sustain happiness and motivation.
3. Do three kind things each and every day. Go out of your way to make someone else smile. This will help to give you faith in humanity… which isn’t always so easy. The goodness in other human beings is uncovered by simple acts of kindness. Trust me on this one.
4. Choose one way that you will give back to your community this year. Volunteer, help a local charity, donate to a cause that matters to you, write a letter to someone who inspired you. If all of us gave back, even the tiniest bit, you’d all be bowled over by the amount of wonderful that would take place.
You are going to have moments of sadness, moments of annoyance. That is human. When you feel them, remember these lists and remember that you are a goddamn ninja. Stand up and take a positive action. It really, truly works. Just believe and keep moving forward.
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Well, if this is Demi Lovato, asking if she should date me. Then my opinion is YES DEMI LOVATO YOU SHOULD DATE ME.
If it is anyone else on earth asking about anyone else on earth… BE CAREFUL. I always hate it so much when someone is like ‘YOU’RE ONLY SIXTEEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE FEELING’ because that is not true at all. Of course someone who’s sixteen knows what they’re feeling! The same way someone who’s 40 knows what they’re feeling!
I think you know what you’re feeling and you know what you wanna do. I also know what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who is in a totally different place in their life. REGARDLESS OF AGE, we all go through certain stages and sometimes it’s REALLY EFFING HARD to make it work. With any relationship communication is key. Talk to this older woman about what she expects from the relationship and what her feelings are about your age. Chances are she’s swept up in your cuteness and doesn’t care (same goes for you). Ask her about her life, her goals, her future, everything. Don’t avoid the important relationship stuff because you’re afraid you’ll mess it up. It’s important to know.
If you’re about to graduate high school and experience “freedom” for the first time and you’re dating a woman who is ready to have a second child, THESE ARE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW. PLEASE TALK ABOUT THEM. Be safe, check in with yourself, and follow your heart.
ps: Demi, get at me girl.
First: please don’t say prease.
Second: relationships generally don’t hinge on age as much as they hinge on maturity and expectations. If you are excited to have a ROMP with a lady who is much older, and all you want is a ROMP and all she wants is a ROMP and it’s consensual and fun – have at it! If, however, you both want to fall in love and date – that is when you have to weigh in the maturity and expectation levels.
If GOLDENGIRL (the older lady) is 42 and likes long walks on the beach and watching reruns of The Cosby show, and you are 18 and you like partying with your friends and watching reruns of Hannah Montana… you see where there might be an issue with conflicting interests.
As with anything else, I echo Dannielle in the “talk about it” advisement. Entering into any sort of relationship should always come with a good dose of communication. What’s more, take things slow and listen to that little voice in the back of your brain-head. Most times when we are falling head over heels for someone, there’s either a little voice that’s like OMG OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME orrrr that’s like HEY HEY WAIT THIS PROBABLY ISN’T RIGHT. We are very talented as a species at ignoring the HEYHEYWAIT voice, so I would urge you to listen in and follow those instincts, even if it means walking out of Cougar Town so that you can be yourself and connect with someone who is more aligned with your interests.