The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle: I Need a Bathing Suit, Not a Relationship

At Everyone is Gay, Kristin (right) and Dannielle (left) are girls who like girls who give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. Here on CherryGRRL, these two adorable and brilliant ladies are sharing some of that wonderfully witty advice with our readers, monthly, via this column: The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle.

Q: I do this thing where I talk to people and start liking them and they start liking me, then as soon as it comes to the point where I can actually have them in my life as a significant other, I don’t want them and I drop off the face of the planet. I do this all the time and the person basically hates me afterwards, but I don’t ever feel guilty about it… because I’ve just now realized that I’m not cut out for a relationship and would just rather sleep around. Am I terrible person?

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

You’re not a terrible person at all!

You guys, I’m sorry that we live in a world where we learn things from TV, Movies and Songs. It kind of ruins things because it’s like “YOU MEET A PERSON AND YOU FALL IN LOVE AND YOU ARE TOGETHER FOREVER, UNLESS YOU MEET SOMEONE ELSE YOU LOVE MORE, IN WHICH CASE, YOU LEAVE THAT OTHER PERSON BECAUSE NOW YOU ACTUALLY REALLY FOUND TRUE ONE LOVE.” Those are actual lyrics from a song (no they’re not). But y’all know what I mean.

We’re all soooooo different. AND HONESTLY, hardly any of those differences are accounted for when it comes to the shit we see on a daily basis. There are people who never have monogamous relationships and they’re soooo happy and healthy. There are people who have super successful polyamorous relationships that last foorreeevvverr and are the bessst. There are people who casually date and don’t have any sexi time. There are people who only have sexi time. There are just all kinds of people and you get it.

You’re lucky because you have something a lot of people don’t have, self-awareness. You know what you want. I wish I’d had that for the past billion (slight exaggeration) years of my life. It’s unbelievably difficult to figure out what you actually want because there are all these factors in the world around us that tell us what we SHOULD want, you know? It messes with you. It makes you think that you’re SUPPOSED to want one thing when in you’re brain you’re like “i don’t want a long term relationship with marriage and kids, I want THIS DIFFERENT THING.”

As long as you’re being open and honest with the people that come into your life, you’re doing great. I promise.

Kristin Says:

I second the motion of you not being a terrible person… HOWEVER, the way this question reads, it sounds like you have just figured out that you don’t want relationships, but in the past you’ve been like “Doobee doobee doo you’re pretty here’s some flowers you sweet thing kiss me let’s go the movies doobee doobee dooo BLAM I’VE DISAPPEARED.” That isn’t really the best approach to the situation… if you see what I mean?

You have to be honest and consistent about these things, otherwise the person on the other end is going to get hurt. Now, they might get hurt even if you ARE honest, but so long as you have been up front with them from the get-go, you are in the clear. If you make out with someone one time you don’t have to be all, “I DON’T DO RELATIONSHIPS,” because like… everyone calm down you are just making out. However, if you make out with a person a few times, and you start to see them more often, you have to be brutal and clear about your intentions immediamente. That is spanish for immediately.

Say, “Listen, Susie, I like you, but I don’t commit to people at this point in my life. I like making out / bonin’ but I won’t be able to have a relationship past that with you, and I will probably make out / bone other people, too. If you are cool with that LET’S MAKE OUT.” Susie might be all, “OH NO YOU DON’T,” and then that’s that. Or, Susie might be like, “AMAZING, I LOVE THIS PLAN,” and it will be brilliant. Or, Susie might be all, “OF COURSE THAT’S GREAT” and then wilt like a tiny flower in three months when she realizes that you meant what you said… but you were honest. And, while I don’t want Susie to wilt like a tiny flower, we all make decisions in this world based upon the things that we know… and if Susie KNOWS your intentions, then you have done your part.

LAST THING: I don’t think that you should drop off the face of the planet on anyone, ever… I think there is a better, healthier way to communicate your needs / interests / etcetera without just BLAM DISAPPEARING.

Cool? Cool.

Q: This question is more Danielle, but with summer coming, what do you usually do for a bathing suit that isn’t so ‘feminine’?

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

omg. I literally JUST got off the phone with my dad who was suggesting I get one of those short sleeve surfer things LIKE THIS

To be honest with you all, I haven’t worn a bathing suit in YEARS. I have super fair skin and I’m never like “HEY GUYS LETS GO SWIMMING.” When I go to the beach with my friends, I’m usually sitting and snacking and we all gab about life/boys/etc, you know? So, I haven’t needed a suit.

BUT THIS YEAR IS DIFF. I’m going on a trip with my entire family and we’re DEFINITELY going to the beach and pool and swimming and whatever and I’m literally dying inside thinking about it because NOTHING makes me more uncomfortable than a bikini.

Is anyone out there a designer? Can you please design swimwear for the not-so-girly-girl? THANK YOU.

Kristin Says:

I know this is more of a Dannielle question but also I HAVE THOUGHTS and also DID SOME RESEARCH.

First things first: there is nothing more important than you being comfortable and feeling f*cking awesome. I know it’s always a tricky thing to put into practice, but when we feel comfortable in our own skin (slash swimwear), we just look good. Comfort always wins the day. Despite what Tyra might tell you.

Second things second: from what I gather, there are a whole ton of combinations that can happen in the swimwear world depending on what you are aiming for. There are board shorts, boy shorts, tank tops, sleeveless t-shirts, rashguards, sports bras, etcetera… which can all be combined in different ways.

Third things third: Autostraddle has done all the work for us. If you want a million different answers in the form of links, pictures, examples, and funny jokes, go over to here:

Autostraddle’s Swimsuit Issue

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