Q: How can I work up the courage to kiss the girl I like? I know she likes me back and that she wants me to kiss her first but I don’t know how to initiate it…
-Question submitted by Anonymous
I would probably scream “THREE - TWO - ONE” and then barrel my face into hers, ya know? If you do a count down, she’ll be like ‘wha’ and then you smash your face into hers and if it doesn’t work out you’ll both be LOLing so hard nothing will matter… plus that makes for a damn good story.
OH OH OH OR -
Stand in your room and walk over to your iTunes and play Avril Lavigne’s cover of Six Pence Nonethericher’s “Kiss Me” and stare at her directly in the eyeballs and say ‘get it?’ and keep staring, try not to blink or smile… That will drive your point home.
OH OH OH OH OH OR -
Ask her if she’ll help you with a scene you’re working on for Acting class and when she goes ‘sure’ hand her a script that just says “Actor 1 Kisses Actor 2” and say ‘You’re actor one’ and pucker TF up.
Dannielle is FUNNY sometimes, y’all.
Let’s see… first of all, just remember that everyone always feels like an asshole when they go to kiss someone for the first time. It’s such a WEIRD and FUNNY thing. So, embrace the awkward and just remember that at the end of the day you will at the very least have a hilarious story to share with your friends and, at the very best, you will have a hilarious story to recount with the girl who won’t stop making out with you.
Second of all. Here are some other ideas:
1. Be like, “OMG OMG OMG OMG EVERYONE IS GAY ANSWERED MY QUESTION WANT TO SEE?” and then show her this question. About seven seconds into her reading it start very loudly saying, “THREE - TWOOOO - …”
2. Pull her close, look her in the eyes and say, “Do you know what we should do right now?” and when she gets nervous and is like, “What…” hold her gaze and say, “We should rent old Mary Kate and Ashley movies and have a marathon.” When she laughs slash looks confused, say, “Right after we do this,” AND THEN KISS HER MOUTH.
3. Run into the room screaming, “A snake bit my lip, a snake bit my lip, the only way I will live is if someone puts their mouth on mine to deactivate the poiiiisoonnnnnnnn,” and then throw yourself, lifeless, on the floor.