At Everyone is Gay, Kristin (right) and Dannielle (left) are girls who like girls who give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. Here on CherryGRRL, these two adorable and brilliant ladies are sharing some of that wonderfully witty advice with our readers, monthly, via this column: The Everyone is Gay Advice Corner with Kristin + Dannielle.
Q: I’m sort of in that questioning phase. Can I just choose to be gay or does it have to be ‘Born this way’?
-Question submitted by Anonymous
I guess it depends who you ask. There are quite a number of people who would be up in arms if they heard you say you made that choice. But I don’t think those people are right.
I think we all have a right to choose. I think there are a large number of people out there (myself included) who don’t feel like it was a choice – these people feel like their bodies and emotions and brains all made that decision long before they had the chance to… does that mean you’re doing something wrong because that isn’t how you feel? NOT AT ALL.
MORE POWER TO YOU. I love that you have some sense of what you’re feeling and you’re making all the right moves to figure out exactly who you are, you know? Do your thing. IF people look at you and say ‘you make me feel like less of a person by saying this is a choice,’ simply tell them you’re not saying everyone can choose, you’re just saying you did. I think that’s awesome and great and perfect.
I agree one hundred and one million percent. #math
I, personally, do not feel – nor have I ever felt – that I was “born this way.” I also don’t really feel that I have simply “chosen.” I think that there were parts of me that were always there and that the experiences in my life cultivated an openness and flexibility in how I approached love and attraction. I think a whole host of things converged together to make me who I am, and for me it has never been as simple as “I always knew” or “I made a choice.”
As Dannielle already highlighted, some of us have known things about ourselves, unquestionably, since we were children. Some of us have struggled to understand ourselves, or fought against feelings we didn’t want to have. Others of us feel that we are choosing to love who we love and how we love. Who are any of us to take away the validity of another person’s experience?
You can choose.
The person next to you may not be able to choose.
We are human beings and we differ from each other, and that is okay – our experience does not have the power to take anyone else’s experience away.
Q: Asking a Girl Out For Dummies
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Step One: Meet girl.
Step Two: Talk to girl.
Step Three: Cultivate relationship based on common interest. (i.e. OMG YOU WATCH AMERICAN HORROR STORY or OMG YOU LOVE COFFEE or OMG I ALSO THINK MATH IS HARD)
Step Four: Use common interest as date material (i.e. WANNA WATCH AHS TOGETHER ON WEDS?! or WANNA GET COFFEE TOGETHER ON SATURDAY or OMG WE SHOULD DO MATH TOGETHER ON MONDAY)
Step Five: WHILST sharing common interest activity, make a lot of awesome jokes, be okay with the fact that you’re nervous, don’t be afraid to share personal info, let Girl get to know you, ask questions, show interest, etc.
Step Six: When date is over, do not shake hands… either hug or kiss or high five, but if you shake hands everything is ruined.
Step One: Drink a beer.
JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING.
En serio, though (that’s Spanish for SERIOUSLY), you’ve got to hit three main targets for date-asking-outing:
Target One: Make eye contact. Even if you fumble over your words, even if you say the wrong thing, even if you shuffle your feet, LOOK. IN. HER. EYES. WHEN. YOU. TALK. TO. HER. HEAD. Regardless of if you are saying, “I like your shoes,” or “You have really great knees,” or “I also love Hello, Kitty,” you have to lock eyes if you want to convey the message that you are entering flirt/date/etc town.
Target Two: Don’t generalize. You guys. If you say, “Hey, I’d love to hang out some time,” and she is like, “Cool, I’d like that, too,” and then you’re all, “Great!” and you walk away… you are just going to have to do this all over again. When the conversation leads to hanging out, SAY A DAY AND TIME. “Are you free Monday night?” BOOM. DONE. MOVING ALONG.
Target Three: Calm down. We know how it feels when you ask a girl out and she says yes, and hot damn it is so adorable if you smile and you nod and you’re like, “That’s great,” and you blush and maybe stutter WHATEVER IT’S ALL CUTE YOU’RE CUTE. However… when you turn and walk out the door, don’t then use her number to text her 14 times before your date. Take a deep breath, squeal to your friends, and text her to confirm details and such. You’ve got this, and you are going to totally nail it.
…NOT LIKE THAT YOU SICKOS.
I JUST MEANT YOU’LL SUCCEED.