Tag-Team Recap: Rizzoli & Isles, Season 3, Episode 11 – Class Action Satisfaction

Emily: Our two favorite ladies are back! Already the scene after the guy in the café at the precinct dies from eating Angela’s food, Jane and Maura are shown having coffee in the morning together. In their pajamas. In any other show if they showed two women waking up in the same house and making coffee for each other they’d be considered lesbians. That’s that. There’s no more going around it. For this season I’m just going to think of Jane and Maura as a couple, and you know, call them what everyone else is calling them: Rizzles. Let’s see if I can get used to it.

Danielle: This really was the gayest scene since the two of them discussing their wedding dreams on a mattress together. There’s really nothing else to say about it, it’s not even subtext. I probably wouldn’t want to watch this with my mom.

Emily: So, Rizzles, are talking about how they hate instant coffee but they’re so tired because they were up all night (along with Tommy) taking turns with the baby. Tommy comes in right on cue and Jane is obviously attached. The baby is so cute though so who wouldn’t be? Tommy and Maura dwell on how cute Jane is with Tommy Jr./Mario. You can see the glint in Maura’s eyes as she thinks about their future children after their future wedding.

Danielle: This scene reminds me of those moments in straight rom coms when a man holds a baby or plays with a child, and the woman’s ovaries immediately explode. Maura had that look, and seriously TPTB are not playing nice. I will hold any major criticisms until I see the next episode, but there’s a difference between teasing the audience and being a dick to LGBT audiences.

Emily: Jane gets the call to go into work because there was a suspicious death at her mom’s café. She wants to leave pronto and Maura reminds her they’re in pajamas. Jane looks at her like she has 3 heads and is like, “Yeah, so? We’ll change in the car.” What an image.

Danielle: I wish they had shown it. Speaking of two lesbian cops getting changed in the car on the way to work, does anyone else still mourn Nikki & Nora as much as I do?

Emily: They get to the scene and Angela is so worried the food she made caused the innocent man’s death. He had Korsak’s number in his wallet which is weird, since Korsak has never seen the guy before. Stanley (Angela’s boss) becomes a little suspicious when the food the dead guy ate goes missing. He pretends to have some sort of panic attack and Maura stands there checking his pulse while Jane makes sure Angela understands Stanley could go to jail if he took the evidence.

Tommy calls Frankie to come over the house because he fell asleep while the baby was on his chest and Tommy Jr./Mario rolled off onto a pillow. Tommy Jr./Mario keeps crying and Tommy is convinced he hates him now. Then Lydia comes in with her mom and sweeps up Tommy Jr. with no plans on letting Tommy have him to himself. Pretty sure she left him at the doorstep. That’s kind of like relinquishing all rights to an item. Right? Is that still applicable when it comes to a newborn baby?

Danielle: Tommy already has a bunch of strikes against him for me: he tried to get with Maura, he and his dad shared a woman, and he tried to get with Maura. I get that the writers are trying to convey how nervous he is about having a baby, but they’ve only succeeded in making him look like a moron. Rolling onto a pillow, really? A newborn hating it’s main source of food and warmth? Blah.

Emily: We’re brought back to the lab with Rizzles, and they’re playing the can-you-guess-what-this-is searching through the guys (Phil Taylor) stomach contents. Jane gets the first one right (eggs) and then Maura asks her to guess again. Jane says only if she gets a prize, waits a beat as their eyes connect, and guesses correctly. Maura doesn’t say what the prize is which is lame. The results come back for Taylor and his blood contains rat poisoning. Rizzles quickly goes to the café to make sure the food there isn’t poisoned with rat poisoning.

Danielle: I’m glad Emily could watch the gross stomach contents scene and find the flirting, because I had to look away. She gets a lesbian merit badge for that one.

Emily: Jane takes in Stanley and her mom for a statement since there’s rat poisoning in the back where the food is made. Jane goes to figure out what Korsak and Frost know. They’re trying to figure out why Taylor had a picture of a young boy in his wallet since apparently, it isn’t his son. They learn he was once in pharmaceuticals but lost his job and now does some temp work for a smaller company. They head to an AA meeting to look for someone but run into Korsak’s first wife Dana, who at first he doesn’t recognize. Korsak takes out the picture of Taylor and shows Dana, and she can’t believe it. She’s also the reason Taylor had Korsak’s number; he said he needed a cop he could trust but didn’t say why. Dana tells them Taylor had started to hang out with a blonde woman, so now they’re looking out for her.

Jane asks Frankie to look through the garbage to find the victim’s last meal, along with a coffee cup, about which he isn’t too happy. Back in Maura’s office, Jane notices Maura moved her bookshelf so she could see the dead bodies coming in, which makes her happy. Oh, it’s just the small things isn’t it Maura?

Rizzles is talking with the new guy who brings in bodies, his name is Alex Simmons. He’s openly checking Maura out – well actually he’s checking out her dress. He tells Rizzles that he sews and beads for a hobby. Ok, I like him. Maura takes a look at the new body’s finger nails and very calmly backs away. She tells Jane and Alex to go quickly to the crime lab because it’s a code red. She hits the big red button and they’re off running amid the buzzer. Next thing you know, everyone is in quarantine suits and Rizzles and Alex are ordered to strip and take a shower.

Jane starts to get modest and doesn’t want to take her clothes off in the middle of the lab. Maura isn’t shy at all though, it’s as if she’s done it hundreds of times. Jane is offended in the end because Alex continuously yawns and finally falls asleep while she’s naked. Maura knows better though, that if Alex were into women he’d be just as excited as she is right now. I’m usually ogling over Maura but right Jane’s Italian skin is glowing. I like that she doesn’t get a robe and she just has to stand there in a tiny orange towel behind a big red bin. Both of those colors do wonders for her. I laughed a little when she called herself a bubble girl. Oh, and Alex turns out not to be gay, but dating Maura’s assistant. Even though it’s made to make us feel less comfortable that he might have been really checking out Maura, I like that Maura’s assistant isn’t a lesbian. Just to make sure you understand the imagery of Jane standing there with only a tiny towel covering her, Frankie is talking to her through the window and Jane literally moves in front of Maura. I’m not kidding; her entire ass is in Maura’s face. How can the writers do this?

Danielle: Because they’re a) rat bastards, b) lesbian Santa Claus, or c) as clueless as James Bond at a feminist rally.

Emily: Angela finds Taylor’s Frappuccino in the lobby garbage, and Dana wants to talk about his murder. Dana mentions Taylor felt guilty about ruining two lives, one being a little boy’s. Maura’s assistant comes into the now squeaky clean lab and tells them the reason Alex was so comfortable around them naked is because they met at a nudist retreat. She asks Rizzles to join them. A double date, perhaps. A nakeddouble date, yes please.

Danielle: OH COME ON. Someone let a fan fiction writer into the writer’s room.

Emily: Frankie invites Jane to dinner to talk with Tommy. Before dinner though she has to go to Boston Joe to see if Taylor got his ‘fro-capp’ from there. The barista recognized him and said he was with the blonde mentioned earlier. So now we really have to find out who this blonde is.

We find out T.J is Tommy’s baby. Everyone says they’ll help raise T.J. so he’s going to try for joint custody. Angela has a different plan though. This freaks out Jane a little bit so she vents to Maura – who looks gorgeous in her black shirt and bright blue jeans. Can I please meet you, Sasha Alexander?

Stanley asks to be arrested because he hid the food that they were looking for all this time. Jane can’t arrest him so he’s free to go after he agrees to give Angela a raise. Jane is looking over Boston Joe surveillance tapes and needs Frankie to read Taylor’s lips as he’s yelling at the blonde whose name is Alice Vanderbilt. They go to her house and find her dead by carbon monoxide poisoning in her garage.

When Alice comes into the lab (via coroner) another body that died from Meningitis comes in as well. It clicks with Jane that Frankie got the lip reading thing right but only one word was wrong. He meant Meningitis, not men in tights. Jane, Frost and Korsak go over the case together and miraculously realize this whole meningitis thing is being injected in to people that have bad immune systems and die as the result. They begin to understand that Alice and Phil Taylor were working together to create a class action lawsuit but they needed a lawyer to do this. So, Frost finds Alice’s lawyers name and Korsak recognizes it. They go back to the AA meeting and pull out Larry in the middle of his share. They get a warrant for his Cadillac and open his truck to see flyers about Meningitis taking innocent lives. Jane gives Larry the wow-I’m-so-disappointed look and I almost feel bad for him when he’s getting put in cuffs.

Danielle: I don’t know if it’s because I have a raging fever, but I really couldn’t understand the crime plot this week. Luckily it is totally irrelevant to my enjoyment of this show.

It’s dinner time at the Rizzoli house and Angela invited over Lydia and her mother. Angela wants to start new. They have a little awkward conversation about how they all want to be in T.J’s life. We find out Lydia’s mom doesn’t like spicy foods and that Rizzles plans on raising T.J. their own way. Welcome back, Rizzoli and Isles.

Danielle: Cue Jane and Maura looking at preppy Boston private schools together, picking out Christmas presents, and generally lesbo-momming all over town. Now if they’d only have the guts and gumption to actually make them gay. I think we should end this recap with a compilation of all of this week’s “we aren’t friends” looks. Until next time.

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1 comment on this postSubmit yours
  1. Avatar of Emily

    hahaha! No way that last picture is awesome, she’s legit looking at her ass. This show is too much, let’s include these every week :P

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