Recap: Thintervention with Jackie Warner, Episode 8

Nikki: Nikki’s clip is the most hilare, essentially because it’s of moments with her and her gayboys at different locations: gossiping at a restaurant, gossiping at a bar, gossiping while on a hike. You know, everything that faghags and their g’boys do in general. Loves it. In the voiceover, Nikki stresses that she’s continuing to adapt the program to her lifestyle, which is smart, because it means that she wants the program to become a part of her entire life (and not just for the duration of the show).

Stacy: Meh…. Think I took a piss, here – the only thing I recall is the camera catching CraigBoy in tears about her transformation.

Bryan: Honey B’s clip was the most endearing, because it focused on how his progress throughout the past couple of weeks has completely transformed his relationship with his seksi partner, Miguel. The clip is full of adorable moments: the two cuddling in bed; B fitting into one of Miguel’s shirts; the two kissing at dinner. So effin’ cute! Bryan says that the biggest challenge that he continues to face is the yummy smorgasbord of sugary goodness that he encounters every day at work. Cut to a fun scene of his colleagues eating delicious-looking cupcakes. Here, I’m excited because – methinks -- the old lady sitting across the table from B in this scene is the same old lady who played the people-eating demon in the Buffy episode “Doublemeat Palace.”

After the series of vignettes, each client speaks briefly, and oh-so-emotionally, about how they’ve transformed, both mentally and physically, throughout the past 13 weeks (7 with J, 6 without). Jackie even faux-cries upon thanking Bryan for showing her “how strong people are in general.” (J, I consider misanthropy a plus in my column.) The only thing important in this scene is Jackie’s thighs, which are brilliant like “glist’ring Phaetons,” and I am tempted to write really bad sonnets about them.

WEIGH-IN TIME …. and no one volunteers!

Instead, the clients temporarily postpone the final weigh-in by presenting Jackie with a gift.

What’s inside the box?

A ton of seksi knickers!

Why a ton of seksi knickers?

Because Jackie goes commando! Yes, mon cerises – as Bryan hilariously puts it: Jackie needs to amend her “free muffin’ it” ways, because, not only would he greatly appreciate not seeing her muffin while working out with her, but, for reasons of freshness, a muffin should never “stay out unwrapped.”

Love the analogy, Honey B!

(PS: Jackie, I prefer the black thongs…. You know, the next time you “come to my window….”)

(continued on next page)

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