Santa must know I’ve been a very good girl this year. He brought me exactly what I asked for. Kalinda and Alicia in bed. Together. With alcohol. Any lesbian can tell you, Kalinda just completed steps 1-3 of the 5 step process of getting a straight girl to turn. Grab some french toast and a snuggle buddy, let’s discuss The Good Wife, “Nine Hours.”
This show, with their dirty dirty sex scenes. Poor Alicia is going to be frustrated all day. She’s pulled from a hot dream about Will and faced with Shannon, who needs to pee. Apparently the other bathroom is clogged, and there are no plungers in all of Chicago. Grace wants to go to a Jamboree. She needs to spend every weekend with her “BFF” Shannon. I think this is probably like a lock in of my youth, only you don’t have to believe in God to go. Although it helps, since it’ll likely be a lot of praying and condemnation of pre-marital sex. Shannon said it’s really good for pre-teen self-esteem. Unless you’re gay.
Is ‘phoned’ a Chicago thing? Does no one say ‘called’? Or is that a New York thing, since that is where the show is written? Someone get back to me on this. Because in KC, we say ‘called’, and this single word gets suuuuuuper annoying to me as the show goes on. Apparently Eli phoned, and everyone needs to whisper to let Peter sleep before his big debate today. Alicia is working on a death row appeal for Carter Wright. This guy may or may not have killed his ex wife and her boyfriend, but unless Alicia can prove he probably didn’t he’s definitely going to die at midnight. Some guy named Carrigan calls, and Alicia jumps up to answer it. Carrigan is a clerk at the appeals court. He suggests Alicia might want to file an addendum to the brief. She is confused but says yes. I am also confused. Not about that, but when did Will move into an 80s teen movie? With his sunglasses and his convertible and his loud music. *Cough midlife crisis *cough. It’s Saturday, no one is supposed to call him about work. Except Alicia. She’s phoned about the clerk phoning about an addendum. Will phones Diane about the clerk phoning Alicia, she has to phone back within the hour. Maybe the partners should phone him instead. Nope, Alicia should do the phoning. Diane is going to phone Will in 30 minutes, she needs to see Carter first. He needs to phone his daughter, Ruby. Ruby doesn’t want to talk. Ever since he was found guilty of murdering her mom, their relationship has been strained.
Kalinda shows up at Alicia’s house, it’s where she will be saving the day today. It’s also where she is going to wear her purple leather motorcycle jacket and get Zach and me to gawk at her with impure thoughts. Someone tell Grace to pray for me. Here is what I don’t understand though. Why in the world are Grace and Shannon having a pillow fight in the background with blankets wrapped around their heads like a sari? This moment wins the award for number one weirdest director choice ever. Diane and Will phone Alicia and Kalinda to coach her how to probe Carrigan for information when she phones back. Which she does, right now. I feel like Kalinda should be involved in every phone call Alicia makes ever. The two of them snuggled up close, straining to listen, hot. Pretty sure I saw Alicia sneak a cleavage peek. Carrigan isn’t alone, so her probe for more information is pretty fruitless. They are going to phone later. Carrigan says the judge needs the addendum by 6pm. They have 9 hours to figure out what they missed, or Carter dies. Good gravy this show packs a lot of story in before the credits!
Will managed to phone enough people to have a conference room swarming with lawyers. He throws a box down the table, and states the obvious. The clerk is telling them to dig deeper to free Carter. Will wants to go over the case with a fine tooth comb, and he wants to investigate the judges. Maybe one of them is soft on death. There are only 2 male judges, and since Carrigan said “HE,” Alicia suggests they focus there. Zach needs to use the bathroom, but is having a hard time peeling his eyes away from Kalinda. Can’t blame you there, kid. The clerk used to work with Cary at a non profit getting innocent convicts off death row. Cary is like straight girl kryptonite. Even his cousin has a crush on him! She’s 18 and knows how to google incest, but not how to google disgusting. What’s the point of this storyline? Oh right, nothing. Also, Cary and Kalinda flirting? Ew gag gross ew gag. Did you know people ship these two? Cause they do. And it’s weird / awesome because I love inappropriately suggestive jokes and would have totally made all the ones Cary made. Whatever. Point is. Cary refuses to give her info. Peter suggests Judge Glendon has gone soft on the death penalty. And Peter’s mom noses her way in. Will phones Diane to discuss strategy. Innocence is the plan. Which seems like it should always be the plan.
Back at the homestead, some douche is prepping Peter for his debate because Eli was on a sexcation. Or because its cheaper to not have to pay everyone for every episode. But probs the sexcation. Diane phones Ruby to beg her to come see her dad. This is her final chance, since he’s going to die and everything. Also, she’s super smoking hot. Diane is going to work out a deal with the warden to extend visiting hours. Hopefully. Meanwhile, we get the whole story about Carter. He and his wife broke up, and a month later her apartment building is burned down. Seems the ex wife had already shacked up with a different dude, so when the fire appeared suspicious, Carter was tried and convicted, what with him having that giant motive and no alibi and all. The defense tried to blame Carter’s old business partner. Seems Carter really screwed him over, and had motive to try to take him out. But since they weren’t friends anymore, he may not have known Carter wasn’t living there. Seems viable. (continued on next page)