Another interesting week on The Good Wife. Heavy in politics, investigating, and grown men in love with cows. Not much Kalinda, but Tammy is back so maybe those herbs I burnt as a sacrifice to get those two involved will actually work?
Back at the world’s most boring lawyer gala, Wendy Scott Carr gives the most boring speech ever. She’s running to fight corruption and refill a fountain. I live in the City of Fountains, and I got news for you Wendy…. Fountains are awesome, and you get my vote! But really folks, I need a date to come with me to see my local production of “A Cow With No Country.” My best friend is a moo cow too. E-mail me! Another coincidence in the Will /Alicia life. Kalinda’s new girlfriend knows Will from college. He dated her sister, until he dumped her, for Alicia. This is my new favorite love octagon I’ve ever made up in a show, ever. Alicia’s assistant saves her, I mean draaaaags her out of this super interesting gala for a case. Seems a young woman has been assaulted. The cops don’t care, probs because someone super important did it. Alicia decides to go check it out herself, and misses the best part of the play!
Back at the office she finds a totally normal looking victim of an assault, Laura White. But it probably still didn’t happen. She’s a massage therapist. We all know that’s code for “prostitute.” Especially since the accused works in Africa to free the women. He couldn’t also be a creep. $650 for a one-hour massage? But its okay, Super Famous What’s His Name isn’t even staying at the hotel. Phew! Except that everyone famous uses an alias, I would think Alicia of all people would already know that. With enough satisfying info, she returns to the gala mid-drum circle to fetch the partners. First of all, the Fourland hotel makes me giggle. Second, Joe Kent is the creepster. I don’t think anyone believes it. Probably because everyone keeps saying, “I don’t believe it!” The guys try to leave Diane out of the equation, but she butts in anyway. Carpton and Green want the case, they have until 11 to decide if the victim is a victim. Great, just what I love to see on television and perpetuated through America.
Wendy smiles too much. If Little Red Riding Hood taught us anything it is to never trust a woman when you can see all of her teeth. Eli begins his schmoozing. He arranges a meeting and gets partially blown off by the black guy. Obviously, Wendy is taking all the chick and black votes. Will sends Kalinda to the hotel to dig up some dirt. Diane decides to send Blake to dig up dirt on the victim. The victim no ones believes is a victim tells how Mr. Kent asked her for a dirty massage. He got angry, he kept pushing. Watching them question the victim really annoys me. Excuse me while I get ranty. I know it’s supposed to be the point of the episode, to teach us a larger lesson about how you can’t always trust people just because they look good on paper and how the system sometimes hurts victims. But this is a real problem, this really happens. Unfortunately, some people lie. I understand that. But the rule of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ shouldn’t apply as a victim re-tells heir assault. Ms. White is uncomfortable as she re-tells the story of how he used a remote control to trick her into a vulnerable position and masturbated into a towel. Diane doesn’t think she is acting traumatized enough. Kalinda steals the trash from Mr. Kent’s room, and a champagne glass. I have been looking forever for a way to publicly declare this: I can totally beat Sonic the Hedgehog on my old Sega system in two hours. Apparently Mr. Kent likes the Hedgehog too. Awesome people like video games you guys. So do sexual deviants. I’m unclear where I am going with this… Oh right, Ms. White’s story is murky. Like what you’d expect four hours after a sexual assault. Apparently Mr. Kent forced her to drink champagne, and the suite has two bathrooms. Thank goodness this interrogation of the victim is paying off!! (continued on next page)