When I was little, I had mixed feelings about dolls. Relatives bought me dolls for birthdays and Christmas, but they normally hung out in a box until I decided to play with them on a whim.
On one of those whim days, I pulled a Skipper doll out of the box and grabbed Ken and Barbie. Ken and the girls were headed for the mountains (my Grandma’s rocking chair), where Ken plummeted to his death and Skipper and Barbie rode off into the sunset in the Barbie car.
I remember leaving Skipper alone with Barbie to go have lunch. And what I found when I returned to my dolls remains forever etched in my mind – a headless Skipper. My brother – being the sadistic toddler he was – decided to play with Skipper, and in the process, popped her head off. All that was left of Skipper when I returned was her naked body and stump of a neck.
From that day forward, dolls have creeped me the hell out. And watching PLL this week was like reliving that trauma.
Before I phone my therapist, let’s talk about the fact that we’re just one week away from revealing A’s identity. The girls are getting so close to getting to the bottom of things that Spencer is seeing Ali in her dreams.
But after talking to Emily, who had a similar “dream,” they start to wonder if they were really dreaming. Ali warns Spencer not to get too caught up in the details or she’ll miss what’s right in front of her. For some reason, I feel like I already know who A is (cough, Jenna).
Speaking of evil, Jenna’s eyes are crying real tears now, even if she still doesn’t have a heart. However, the eye surgery was unsuccessful, and Jenna is still an invalid. There was a brief second when I actually started to feel sorry for her. Jenna apologizes to the Liars for holding a grudge against them, and she thanks Hanna for rescuing her from Jason’s smoldering house.
But just when I’m almost tricked into believing Jenna has feelings, we find out she’s not really blind at all. Or if she is, she’s got the best aim of any blind person. Slapping a fly off the wall with newspaper takes skill, and Jenna smashes the poor little bugger in one shot!
Back on the A front, Spencer decides the girls should go back to Brookhaven to get to the heart of the A mystery. They stumble upon the owner of the doll hospital in front of her shop and ask her about the doll they got from A.
Luckily, the lady and her oddball kid remember the doll (the creepy burlap voodoo one), and tell them that a girl came in last summer wanting to know who bought it. The kid, who’s apparently able to see things that haven’t happened yet, gives a description of the girl that sounds a lot like Vivian Darkbloom.
I swear, this kid, Seth, is a lot like the kid from the Sixth Sense. Mega scary! And he somehow knows that a man and woman were after Ali and that she died while her lungs filled up with dirt. But I feel sorry for him. More on that later.
As for Aria and Ezra, Ella is making strides toward understanding their relationship… or is she? One day while inside her mom’s classroom, Aria finds the application for Glensbury Boarding School for Girls. Turns out Byron has been doing a little research while out of town.
Aria keeps her cool – for longer than I could have – but eventually confronts Ella about the application. Ella tries to play dumb, but Aria isn’t having any of that. Aria then threatens to spill the beans about Byron’s affair with a grad student. Oh no she di’int! The Montgomery family tree just suffered a major windstorm!
Later, we find out Byron and Ella decided to shelf the boarding school idea. Unfortunately, Aria and Ezra aren’t out of the woods yet. Ezra got fired (perhaps with Byron’s influence), and he’s considering shacking up with his parents for a while until he can send out some resumes and find a new job. To mourn what may end up being the sorrowful end of their love affair, Aria and Ezra collapse on the couch in each other’s arms. Oh, the Shakespearean tragedy of it all!
Mona was once a victim of A’s text messaging warfare, and this week, she’s a victim once again. This time, A is pressuring her to break up Hanna and Caleb. But rather than succumb to A’s requests, the girls decide to trick A instead (because it has turned out to be such a good idea in the past).
At this point, everyone is pretty convinced that Melissa is A. After all, she did threaten to expose some questionable videos of Spencer and her friends if Spencer decided to release the video of Melissa in Ali’s room to the police.
One night, Emily follows Melissa to Speed Demon Express (what kind of business is that?) while Caleb and Mona sit outside the store in Mona’s car. As Melissa walks out of the store, Mona and Caleb start making out (fake making out, of course – even though Mona has serial dated the entire lacrosse team). Then not long after, the mysterious texter sends Hanna a message suggesting Caleb was playing tonsil hockey with another girl.
Even though Melissa looks really guilty right now, I’m still going to place bets on Jenna. Like why does she have a copy of Ali’s autopsy report? Garrett asked her to keep it safe… bullshit! She who wears dark shades and pretends to be blind cannot be trusted. I once read that somewhere or something.
By now, everyone in this show should know that nothing good comes from lurking around late at night. Especially at creepy doll hospitals! Nonetheless, the girls return to the hospital after hours to see if they can piece together more clues.
And this is the part that’s still giving me nightmares! The girls hear this demented voice stuck on repeat – “follow me end up like me” – coming from a closet. When they open the closet, they find a bloody doll with a shovel in hand digging a hole in the ground. Then everything around them starts falling down, the manic cymbal monkey (they must have borrowed him from one of the many horror movies he stars in!) claps, and the girls get the fudge out of there!
After the girls leave, A returns to the doll hospital to pay off the hospital owner and her kid for their cooperation – the old woman with some money and the kid with a giant lollipop. Knowing what I know, I’m sure he’d be more appreciative of an Ouija board.
In the last few minutes of the episode, Melissa and Garrett make out (gag) and Spencer tells Garrett there’s no way Melissa and her friends will release the video to the cops (um, wait, isn’t Garrett a cop?). Spencer hides around the corner spying on their conversation, and just as Garrett is about to discover her standing there, the police show up and arrest Garrett for Ali’s murder.
Just when I think things can’t possibly get any weirder, they do. And they’re set to get even weirder with next week’s season finale. Stay tuned!