If you have your lezzie ear to the television ground, you’ve heard the wonderful news from Pretty Little Liars this week. Just in case you don’t – Mya’s back!! The smoking hot seductress who teased our lovely Emily into accepting her sexuality and got sent to boarding school for her trouble made her triumphant return to her rightful place, a bistro table set for two. Emily was as happy to see her as I was, but don’t you worry. Emily didn’t spend her free time crying into her chocolate milk. No, no! Our Emily’s been busy. Her parent’s moved, she got an ulcer, a new girlfriend, and that pesky A has chosen her as the current victim. Mya’s missed a lot, and maybe you have too. So listen up bitches, I’ve got the dirt.
The season started just after Ian’s murder / disappearance. With no body and Spencer swearing he’s dead, all eyes were on our foursome. They turned to officer Garret for help, later learning that maybe that isn’t a great plan. The ‘rents decided the girls needed counseling, together. Dr. Sullivan decided they needed to lean on themselves for a while, and recommended the girls be ‘encouraged’ to find other friends. That didn’t last long – the girls reunited for a fashion show tribute to Alison. A just can’t miss the opportunity for the spotlight, and crashed the party. Eventually Ian’s body was found, a confession in his hand. ‘I killed Alison, she knew too much.’ Might not be so simple, however. Spencer links Ian to Garret to Alison’s brother, Jason, who has been super creeptastic since his return to Rosewood AND admitted he might have killed Ali. The three of them were in a crazy spy vs spy club in high school. And Garret is dating Jenna. Who might be getting her sight back. Toby works for Spencer’s dad now, and recently found one of Spence’s old field hockey sticks buried on the property line between Spencer’s and Ali’s house. Spencer’s dad freaks out, burns the stick, and yells at Jason. A lot. Until he is found talking to Jason, and yells at Spencer. It’s weird.
We all watch silly teen drama for all the silly teen romance. Here’s where the girls landed this season. Hanna is back with Caleb, who went back to California to see his mom. For a while it looked like Hanna’s mom and dad were getting back together, but he went back to the bimbo. Bimbo has a teenage daughter. Her and Hanna aren’t on the best of terms. After Ezra started teaching at the local college, Hollis, he and Aria have struggled to maintain their relationship. It’s hard going public, y’all. Aria kissed Jason for a hot second, but that was ignored for larger issues. Most notably – it seems exposing this relationship is A’s next priority. Aria’s parents have reunited, just in time because her brother Mike is having some serious depression issues. Spencer is now dating Jenna’s sloppy seconds, bad boy wanna-be Toby. And of course by ‘dating’ I mean buying him a truck, finding him a job, and getting felt up in the backseat by him. So, pretty grown up really.
Oh right, you guys only care about Emily. Well, after her disaster of a love life this year, she’s been seeing smoking hot Samara. She’s blonde, she’s gay, and she hasn’t tried to kill Emily. So of course, A has to end that good thing. After meeting Samara’s friends, A blackmails Em into hitting on one of them. Whoops! Emily has bigger fish to fry anyway. Her parents moved to TX, so she sleeps just steps away from Hanna now. A slipped steroids into her pain relief cream, so her swimming career is on the line. A deleted the videos of Ian and Jenna from her laptop, and sent her mom a fake letter from a local university promising Em a scholarship. This week Emily decided she’s had enough, and runs her way back to Dr. Sullivan’s office to confess. The girl’s tell everything. Problem is, A was listening and now the good Dr. is missing. Uh-oh!
This season has been as good as last. Twists, turns, hot make out scenes, and edge of your seat nerve chilling suspense. This week marks the season finale, sure to not disappoint! Be sure to watch! Mya’s back ya’ll!! She’s back and someone HAS to kiss her on the mouth. Surely. See you there, bitches!